


nowhere to go

by solicitors



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 04:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17237711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solicitors/pseuds/solicitors
Summary: Hinata is the beginning, ending, and footnote for Tobio.





	nowhere to go

**Author's Note:**

> the title is inspired by the song 'nowhere to go' by beauvois. ignore the mistakes lakdsmladlgdlkfjl this is the first time i've honestly written fanfiction in like.... five years. i need help. i love them so much

  1. **after**



Tobio has three sections blocked in his life that rear significance: before volleyball, during volleyball, and after volleyball.

His divided life is as much of importance to him as the distinction between before the big-bang and after the big-bang for astro-theorists. Volleyball was  _ his  _ big-bang, his nebula of unfathomable energy that gave him a reason to stand and live. There was no idea of  _ after  _ for him, no tangible idea that made sense why there would ever be an  _ after  _ for volleyball. It was his existence, the very core of his being: before volleyball, and during volleyball.

He never fathomed an  _ after _ .

-

“And what about tomorrow?” his mom asks over the other end of the phone, her lips pursed into a tight line. “What will you do tomorrow?”

She always asks this,  _ what about tomorrow, Tobio? _ , as if he thinks far enough ahead to envision what tomorrow might bring. It’s another way of asking, he thinks, of what he will do with his life— _ after _ .

He tucks the phone between his cheek and shoulder blade and lets out a long, shuddered breath. He hasn’t done well enough in school to merit anything outside of volleyball. Realistically, he should have thought ahead—ten years, five years. Athletes get injured all of the time, it’s no guarantee that you’ll stand on the court, lest it be from failure or from injury. There was always the  _ chance _ that he would get hurt, that he couldn’t play.

That chance seemed remote and impossible. There was no tomorrow if there wasn’t any volleyball. It was as simple as that.

“Tomorrow,” he says, more to himself than his mom. “Tomorrow, I’ll figure out what to do.”

_ Maybe I’ll go back to Miyagi _ , he thinks to himself,  _ Miyagi and my mom _ . Miyagi was never apart of his after, never apart of his plan. It was always Miyagi, and then Tokyo, and then maybe even further. He’d reach further until he couldn’t. What was after, then?

What would he have done if his future hadn’t gotten cut short? Would he retire when he was too old, and take care of five cats? Would he coach for volleyball until the day he died?

He can probably still do that—coach, that is. He rubs his wrist. Maybe not set, but he can still coach.

-

The train ride back to Miyagi is a mix between apprehension and dreariness. The very idea of staying in Tokyo makes him itch. Maybe he will find his answer for another tomorrow in Miyagi, where he was born. Where he grew up and found volleyball.

_ Twenty-one is too old to stay with parents _ , he thinks.  _ Just until I get better _ ,  _ just until I’m able to stand on my feet again. Just until I figure myself out _ . 

Miyagi reminds him of a lot of things. Of what could have been, of what was. It reminds him of cold winter nights, the sun, orange-kissed hair, and boys. It reminds him of everything he has ever been, of everything he is. There is no  _ before  _ or  _ after  _ in Miyagi, there just  _ is _ . If he has to start anywhere, it’s in Miyagi. The start and end of Tobio.

 

  1. **before**



“What are you going to do after high school?” Hinata asks at the base of Tobio’s bed sometime during their second year. He’s setting a volleyball. It goes up a few feet before it drops and Hinata softly catches it in his hands.

That’s easy. “Volleyball.”

Hinata thinks about Tobio’s answer for a moment. “Obviously,” he relents, like Tobio is stupid.  _ Dumb _ , Tobio thinks,  _ you’re the one who asked me what I would do after high school _ . “But,” Hinata continues, “what about after? After volleyball?”

That’s easy again. “After university, I’m going to go pro.  _ Boke _ .”

Hinata huffs and sits up, frustration evident on his face. “I know that!” he says. “But what about after pro? What will you do then?”

That is… admittedly harder to answer. It’s the first time Tobio thinks about a genuine answer. All of his life, or at least most of it, it has been volleyball from start to finish. There is no  _ after volleyball  _ in his vision. “Die, I guess,” he says seriously. It’s silent for a moment, then Hinata barks with laughter. “Oi!” Tobio guffaws. “What’s so funny, dumbass?”

“I don’t know,” Hinata rasps between laughs. “That answer is just so typically…” he trails off for a moment, “so typically Kageyama. You don’t think you’d be able to live a life without volleyball?”

“No,” Tobio responds. He looks at Hinata then, who is twisting around the volleyball in his hands anxiously, searching around for answers like it’s a magic eight ball. “Would you be able to live without volleyball?”

Hinata considers the question seriously. “I don’t know,” he says eventually, honestly. “I haven’t thought much about it. But if there were a reason I had to live without it, I think I’d find something. Something to occupy my time.” Hinata gets excited about practically everything, so that is no surprise.

“Why’d you ask that all of the sudden?” Tobio asks. Hinata seems more anxious than usual, and the conversation is veering off into depressing territory.

Hinata smiles and Tobio’s retinas almost blind. “Oh, nothing. I’m just thinking about  _ what if _ ’s.”

Tobio scoffs. “You, thinking? You better stop or you’ll catch a fever.”

The guffawed  _ hey _ ! Hinata yells is almost enough to distract Tobio from the downtrodden look on Hinata’s face. Almost.

-

Hinata comes into Tobio’s life with enough energy to last him two times over. Hinata’s intense love for volleyball rivals even his own. In the most simple sense, Tobio’s love for volleyball is the same love for Hinata.

Hinata is all-encompassing. In high school, he inserts himself into every facet of Tobio’s life. Volleyball, sleeping, eating, talking. It’s Hinata, Hinata, Hinata. Where Tobio is, Hinata follows.

Tobio and Hinata are different, but the same—in the most fundamental sense. His desire to win is the same as Tobio’s. His love for volleyball is the same. They are the same in little ways, too. They both wake up at the crack of dawn. They both have too much energy to expend. They both would die for curry buns. They both care for each other.

Where Tobio falls short, Hinata makes up for. Hinata can talk for minutes on end without taking a breath, he can make a friend with the most asocial person on the planet earth—or, Tobio. Hinata is larger than life, an energetic human being condensed inside of a body too small considering the presence he takes up in a room.

Tobio loves Hinata the same way he loves volleyball, because Hinata and volleyball are one in the same.

-

There are plenty  _ after _ s before his volleyball-related-after. Like, what will happen after high school? That’s easy. More volleyball. But—what will happen after high school  _ with Hinata _ ?

It’s shocking, becoming so accustomed to Hinata’s company. Tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day… it will be another  _ after  _ in his life. After Hinata.

“Stop making that face, Kageyama,” Hinata says at their graduation ceremony, flicking the space between his eyebrows. Hinata has grown a few centimeters since their first year. Not a lot, but enough to notice.

Tobio frowns. “What face?” he grumbles, softly shoving Hinata so he’ll stop looking at him. It’s Tobio’s own fault that he doesn’t know how he’ll manage without Hinata. Tobio has always lived in the moment, looking for a chance to do another set or serve. He never considered what after high school would be like, what after  _ Hinata  _ would be like. It didn’t occur to him that it would hurt this  _ much _ .

“You look like,” Hinata waves his hands around in the air, energy expelling from him in waves, “you’re constipated!” Tobio frowns again. “See, there it is! Stop looking like that! You should be excited, we’re graduating.”

Tobio frowns ever further.

“Oi,” Hinata says, his face a weird contortion of amusement and concern. He pokes Tobio’s cheeks, and when he doesn’t react, Hinata’s eyebrows scrunch together making  _ him  _ look constipated. Ha. “What’s wrong, Tobio?”

_ Tobio _ . Hinata rarely calls him that. He says it’s too weird or too formal. “I just—” Tobio pauses for a moment, breathing through his nose. “Remember last year, during our second year, you asked me what I’ll do after high school?” Hinata nods, dumbstruck. “And I said volleyball. And then you asked me what I’ll do after that, and I said volleyball. And you asked me after  _ that _ , I said I would die.”

“Well, yeah,” Hinata says, worrying his lip between his teeth. “I said that’s something you would say. That you would want to play volleyball until you died.” Hinata’s expression looks panicked. “Don’t tell me you’re dying!”

Tobio attempts to cover up his laugh as a cough but judging by Hinata’s expression, it doesn’t go unnoticed. It’s weird, almost, being friends with someone as open as Hinata. He has his heart on his sleeve and doesn’t care if anyone is kind or rude to him—it’s just Hinata’s personality. There is no place in his heart for ill will. Hinata, at times, doesn’t feel tangible, like he is destined for something far too great for Tobio.

He is alike Hinata, in this way. He has too many thoughts, too many feelings—but in the difference, he has difficulty expressing them. His feelings… toward volleyball, toward Hinata—they are larger than life. These feelings, they’re big enough that he can’t express them through words. If anyone understands that, it’s Hinata.

“After high school…” he tries to finish, trying to find the words on his tongue. “After high school, and after volleyball, will we… are we still—” Tobio breathes through his mouth, calming down his stomach and heart. “Are we still going to be friends?” he asks, finally getting the words through his mouth. Years ago, when he first met Hinata, it was impossible to separate volleyball and Hinata into two. With one, there was always the other.

But there are other aspects to Hinata, things he likes about him that aren’t directly tied to volleyball.

“What do you want, Tobio?” Hinata asks, an uncharacteristic softness to his voice. What was he trying to say? That he doesn’t want Hinata to leave his life after high school?—that’s true. Yet, they’re going to different universities and playing on different teams and working toward different goals. Separately. Apart. Not together. After three years of Hinata being by his side, it felt wrong.

He wants, he  _ wants— _ something beyond their relationship. Not inherently romantic. Something beyond that. He wants both volleyball and Hinata, side by side. He wants the two most important things in his life together, not seperate.

But what’s the point of saying that, right before they graduate? Who knows if Hinata will take up the challenge of texting him everyday or calling him when they will be cities apart. Hinata is staying, and Tobio is  _ leaving _ . Leaving for a better school, leaving to play volleyball, and leaving Hinata behind.

It leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. “I want to talk to you,” he mutters, low enough for only Hinata to hear. “I don’t want to stop to you talking just because you’re hundreds of miles away from me. I want—” he whispers, then stops. “I—I want to still be friends. And to be able to talk to you. And stuff,” he ends eloquently.

Hinata has an expression on his face that is difficult to decipher. Tobio almost says something else, something to  _ elaborate  _ on what he means but—“Bakageyama!” Hinata laughs. “You really think that just because you’re far away from me that I’ll want to stop being friends?”

He wants to say  _ yes, I think that  _ but he elects to say something else. “Oi, why are you laughing,  _ boke _ !” Hinata laughs some more. “Of course I think that, dumbass. Who’s to say you won’t immediately make new friends and forget me?”

Hinata stops laughing and frowns, long enough that it begins to concern Tobio. “Why do you think that, stupid?! If anyone is going to make new friends, it’s going to be you! I’m the one staying in Miyagi. You’re going to a fancy Tokyo university for volleyball.”

“Have you met me, dumbass? I don’t make friends easily.”

Hinata smiles, then. Tobio resists the urge to look away. “Well, that’s just stupid. For you to think that,” he clarifies. “I’m definitely going to try to make new friends, but! That doesn’t mean anything when  _ you  _ are my best friend. I mean—I will always have other friends, but they won’t be you.”

_Best friend_ , Tobio thinks. Best friend is reserved for Tobio and Tobio only. He is Hinata’s best friend. The idea makes him feel airy.

“Okay,” Tobio says, feeling himself smile. Hinata is easy to smile around, he always makes everyone happy.

“Okay,” Hinata responds happily, his cheeks almost pink.

Yet. Best friend still doesn’t feel  _ enough _ .

-

“How’s Tokyo, young man?”

“Why do you sound like my dad?” Tobio grumbles, running a hand through his hair as he puts his phone on speaker.

Hinata laughs. It isn’t as good as being in person, but talking to him over the phone is easy. Tobio doesn’t have to see his face, which makes his heartbeat do some weird and erratic things. “Have you been to the volleyball gym, yet?”

“Yeah,” he says, trying not to think about all of the scary seniors. He is pretty intimidating as it is, but not having Hinata playing volleyball by his side feels sort of… empty. Weird. But, volleyball is volleyball and he appreciates any chance he gets to play. “Not a lot of people have taken a liking to me, though.”

“Oi, why’s that? You have the most approachable face I’ve ever seen!” The small laugh on the other side of the phone proves that Hinata is teasing. “Joking, joking,” he amends. “Kageyama, you haven’t picked a fight with another first year, have you? We’ve only been separated for a few weeks, you can’t replace me just yet!”

Tobio knows that Hinata is joking; but, he sounds almost distressed, like he is genuinely worried that Tobio will go and find a new best friend. It feels kind of stupid, on Hinata’s part, for thinking that Tobio has enough social eptitude to make friends with someone other than him.

“No fights yet. Or friends,” Tobio clarifies. He can physically  _ feel  _ Hinata frowning on the other side of the phone. “Not—not that I’m  _ not  _ going to make friends.” Hinata chuckles, but waits for Tobio to continue. “It’s just—there’s this third year, their main setter. His name is Ogawa, he became the main setter after last year’s fourth year left to go pro. He’s  _ really  _ influential with the team… well, he’s been with them for three years. Um, anyway, he thinks I’m going to replace him as main setter, and I don’t blame him—I mean, I’m pretty good—” Hinata laughs at this part, “—but that just results in him being nasty and trying to turn the whole team against me.”

“Hmmm,” Hinata hums, thinking about what Tobio said. “That’s not… very nice, Kageyama. Do you want me to go beat him up?”

Tobio knows he is joking, but on the other hand, he knows that if he  _ asks _ , Hinata will do something. Not that he will ever ask. Hinata is the size of a tic-tac. “No,” Tobio groans,“no, it’s fine. I’ve dealt with shitty teammates before, no thanks to  _ you _ —”

“Oi!”

“—but if he wants to be mad that I’m better than him, then he should do something about it.”

“Oh Kageyama Tobio, as humble as ever,” Hinata grumbles, but he seems pretty amused.

That’s a win in Tobio’s book.

-

It’s his second year of university when Hinata calls him one night while he is watching the Japan away game. “Hey,” he says, not even pausing his game since Hinata is probably calling him over some play Japan just made. “Are you watching the game?”

“Hmm, yeah,” Hinata says absentmindedly, his mind obviously preoccupied with something else.

Tobio grunts with annoyance. “If you’re going to call me just to not pay attention, then I’ll decline next time.”

The line is silent for a moment before Hinata speaks. “Sorry,” he says. There is something  _ off  _ with the way he speaks. “Sorry,” he says again.

“Are you okay, dumbass? You sound out of it.” Tobio pauses the game, then, occupied with something more important.

Hinata hiccups on the other line before responding. “I’m  _ fine _ ,” he says his voice kind of airy. “But… I miss you.”

“Are you drunk, stupid?” Tobio growls. Hinata is a notorious lightweight, with his tiny body and inability to calm down in the slightest with everything—which obviously extends to alcohol. It isn’t rare for Hinata to get drunk, exactly, he has just never phoned Tobio before while he is.

“What?” Hinata gulps, his voice quivering. “Do you not miss me too?”

“I didn’t say anything like that,  _ boke _ ,” Tobio promises, his voice falling to a whisper. He doesn’t understand why Hinata’s calling him in the first place when he is hundreds of miles away. He doesn’t understand why Hinata is upset with him. “Are you okay? Do you need help?”

“No,” Hinata mumbles after an excruciating minute. “I’m home. By myself,” he adds on as a second thought. He sounds solemn, like he’s worse for wear. “I came home a while ago and I was thinking of you and how much I missed you and it’s okay if I call you, right? Even when I’m drunk?”

Tobio breathes out a long, shuddering sigh. He misses Hinata, too. Enough to make his chest ache and wonder why he came to Tokyo in the first place if it were going to feel like  _ this _ . He hasn’t seen him in at least a month—when he last went down to Miyagi. “You can call me whenever.”

“Can I facetime you?” Hinata asks immediately. Tobio nods, then realizes that Hinata can’t see him but by that time, Hinata is already attempting to facetime him.

When he accepts the call, his screen makes a sound and Hinata’s face pops up. He’s flushed a deep red, his lips moist and hair askew. It’s obvious he is drunk or, at the very least, tipsy. His eyes are red-rimmed, too. “Stupid, are you crying?” Tobio blanches. He has seen Hinata cry plenty of times—over their loss in the inter-high in first year, over not making it to the spring nationals in second, over stupid stuff like dropping his ice-cream and not getting his way, over winning the spring high nationals in his third year—but never over  _ him _ .

“Obviously!” Hinata wails. He is definitely worse than Tobio had imagined. “I miss you!”

“Enough to cry?”

“You’ve seen me cry, haven’t you?” Hinata grumbles, wiping away at his face to catch any tears. “I obviously miss you enough to cry, that’s why I’m crying right now!”

Tobio is dumbfounded. He never imagined that he is someone so resolutely important in Hinata’s life that he merits the achievement of making Hinata cry over missing him. He blinks and is surprised to feel the beginning of his eyes wet.  _ What the fuck _ , he thinks to himself. He hasn’t even cried over missing his mom yet.

“Do you miss me too?” Hinata sounds upset with the idea that Tobio doesn’t miss him.

“What? What kind of stupid question is that? Of course I miss you!” And then, “Stop crying, you’re making me cry!”

“I can’t stop crying, stupid! If I could, I wouldn’t be crying right now!”

When Hinata sniffs with what seems to be his last tear, Tobio speaks. “Are you done crying, dumbass?”

“Hey! That’s mean, I’m going to start crying again!”

“Don’t do that,” Tobio says immediately. He knows that if Hinta begins to cry again, he will start crying  _ too  _ and Hinata always gets upset over Tobio crying and then he’ll cry even  _ more _ —it’s terrible, so Tobio shouldn’t cry in the first place. After Hinata gets control of himself, or at least the alcohol is wearing off, Tobio speaks again. “Sorry,” he says.

Hinata sits on what he says for a moment, worrying his lip between his teeth. Tobio doesn’t get to facetime Hinata much, so it’s few and far inbetween when he sees his face. He misses him, he realizes, even though it isn’t some great revelation. He misses him a lot. “What for?” Hinata asks.

“For… I don’t know, making you cry?”

“Don’t make it sound like a question!”

“Sorry,” he says again, but he can tell Hinata is covering up his smile with his hand. He is still flushed with red because of the alcohol. “I mean, I’m sorry for being so far away. It sucks.” He clears his throat. “Um, not being around you,” he tacks on for clarification.

“Yeah,” Hinata sighs, shifting enough so that his face is out of the screen for a moment. Tobio hears a rustle through the phone and Hinata shifts some more until he looks more comfortable, his face closer to the camera. “Um, I might come up to Tokyo, in the next few weeks. To visit you.”

Tobio feels his ears pinkening. “To visit me?”

“Uh, yeah. Who else, dumbass?”

He can name all of the people Hinata could visit. Kenma, Kuroo, Bokuto, Suga, Tsukishima—though, he probably won’t want to visit Tsukishima. It feels honorary, almost, being the person Hinata wants to visit.

They talk for a little while more until Hinata drifts off to sleep. After he hangs up, Tobio returns to the TV to see that the game is already over. Ah, shit. He should have recorded it.

-

“Are you excited that Ogawa is graduating?” Hinata asks through the phone, shuffling something around so that it is making the line fuzz.

“Yeah,” Tobio responds lacing up his volleyball shoes inside the locker room. Talking to Hinata is becoming relatively harder, with his team getting better and advancing through tournaments. On top of that, it’s closing in on finals week and his mind is divided between volleyball and getting good enough grades to stay on the volleyball team. “He still won’t stop harassing me that I’ve taken over his first-string spot  _ last year _ .”

“That’s good,” Hinata says. There is something strange with the way he says it, like he is trying to insert something into the conversation but he doesn’t have enough courage to do so. “Good that he’ll stop harassing you, I mean.”

“Yeah,” Tobio says again. Hinata hums quietly to himself through the line and Tobio feels himself smile. He waits a bit longer to see if Hinata will comment on his weird behavior, but neglects to speak about himself. “What’s up? You sound kind of anxious.”

Hinata sucks in a sharp breath. “Oh!” he says with an edge of surprise. “I was just thinking, that’s all.”

Tobio bites back the  _ you’re going to get a fever  _ and instead says, “What are you thinking about?”

“Tobio,” Hinata says, and Tobio pulls the phone off speaker to put to his ear for more privacy. There is no one in the locker room since he is always the first one to warm up, but he wants to make sure no one is listening in on their conversation. Whenever Hinata starts off a conversation with his given name, Tobio knows it will be… interesting. Or important, to Hinata.

“Hinata, what’s wrong?”

He imagines what Hinata will say—I’ve found a better friend than you, and I think we should stop talking. Or, your clinginess at the most random of hours is messing up my sleep schedule. Or, this long-distance friend thing isn’t going to work. “Tobio, what would you think…” Hinata stops again, deliberating over the words in his mouth. This is concerning, since Hinata never thinks before he speaks. “What would you think if I had a girlfriend?”

_ Oh _ . That is so much worse than what was originally going through Tobio’s head. He imagines a girl, probably smaller than Hinata, cuddling with him. Or kissing him, or making him a cute bento everyday. He thinks of someone who is short, unlike himself, who is kind and sweet and not brash and considerate—and everything Tobio is  _ not _ .

It doesn’t make sense for Tobio to care whether or not Hinata got a girlfriend. It’s inevitable for Hinata to attract someone to his personality, to draw someone in with his sociable attitude and his kind words. There isn’t anything  _ not _ to like about Hinata, at least not to Tobio.

But he does care, for some inexplicable reason. He cares beyond what his reasoning tells him. It didn’t occur to him that, when he moved, Hinata could move on without him, even though that was what he himself had done—that was what he did with volleyball. It’s unfair of him to expect Hinata to wait for him to come back.

He never said anything back in high school, he never shared a lick of what he truly felt for Hinata. So it’s unfair to be upset, and it’s unfair to feel jealousy. It’s unfair when Hinata is just being  _ himself _ , just being the kindest person he can be. It’s unfair for Tobio to impose himself on Hinata when he knows that Hinata can’t possibly feel the same way.

Hinata is kind enough to ask him but in the end, it doesn’t matter what he thinks. It’s probably for the better, Tobio thinks, to get over Hinata if he is spending his time with someone else.

Hinata will have a girlfriend who will be in Miyagi with him, instead of a hundreds of miles away. This is okay, Tobio thinks to himself bitterly, if this is what Hinata wants.

“Kageyama? Tobio? Oi, did you hang up?!”

Tobio lets out a long, shuddering sigh, and hopes his feelings will escape his rattling ribcage. He has no right to be upset, he reminds himself. “Sorry, I spaced out.” It doesn’t sound convincing, not even to himself. “I don’t care. If you have a girlfriend.”

Hinata is silent on the line for a moment. “You have to tell me if that bothers you,” he responds.

“Why would it bother me?” he grits out with frustration. Why would Hinata care about his opinion, it’s—”It’s your life, not mine.”

“Huh,” Hinata says, at loss for words. “Because this girl named Yui, she’s really short and blonde, confessed to me today. I didn’t really think university girls still did that, but—”

“Shouyou,” Tobio interrupts, pretending not to notice the way Hinata gasps when he says his given name. “Volleyball practice is about to start. You can—” he swallows thickly, ignoring the sand in his throat, “I’ll text you about it when I get back.”

Hinata neglects to say anything, so Tobio clears his throat and speaks again, rubbing at his wrist. “And I’m surprised anyone would confess to a dumbass like you.”

“Hey!”

-

It isn’t like Hinata and Yui get along like oil and fire—it’s more subdued than that. It’s the way she is gentle in every way that Tobio is not, it’s the way she is short, and blonde, and everything Tobio is  _ not _ .

It’s upsetting, yet not surprising, that Hinata’s type is everything Tobio isn’t.

Yui is nice, at least enough, when Tobio goes down to Miyagi to visit his mom. He is hellbent on avoiding Hinata and, by extension, Yui altogether, but Hinata refuses to let Tobio go without seeing him first.

“There he is, there’s Bakageyama!” Hinata yells with as much fervor as ever. He hasn’t seen Hinata in awhile, Tobio realizes. Not since Hinata visited him in Tokyo before he met Yui. It’s nice, seeing him. His heart fills with something warm, like the sun itself is beaming on Tobio.

He is starting to become used to the feeling Hinata gives him. Not entirely, though. Something about seeing him makes his whole face flare up in pink, but he is getting better about controlling stuff like that.

The last time Tobio saw Hinata in person was without Yui holding his hand. He knows that Yui would be here, next to Hinata. He knows, and he knows through descriptions of Yui what she would look like, but it doesn’t dull the pain any less. Knowing that Hinata likes girls, and girls that are… nothing like himself.

Tobio will have to settle being Hinata’s best friend, if that is all Hinata gives him.

Before Tobio can process the world around him enough to respond, Hinata is already yanking his hand out of Yui’s and flinging himself across the station to bound into Tobio.

Hinata is jumping on him, wrapping his legs around Tobio’s torso and hugging him like Hinata hasn’t seen him in years. It has only been a few months since Hinata has started dating Yui, and only a few months before then since Tobio has last seen Hinata but—it’s nice. Nice seeing Hinata again.

Tobio’s hands shake while he holds Hinata in his arms. Hinata is close, close enough that nearly their whole chests are touching from pelvis to clavicle. Hinata is tangible to touch, but far away still. Because he is dating Yui, kissing Yui every night and holding her the same way he is holding Tobio now, but in an entirely different way.

“Missed you,” he says to Tobio, his voice breathless. Tobio settles his hand on Hinata’s head, stroking his hair a few times. “Missed you a lot.”

“I know,” Tobio says, because he missed Hinata too and Hinata will understand the underlying meaning in his words—he always does. “We haven’t… spoken a lot.” It’s both of their faults, Tobio decides. Hinata for spending all off his spare time with Yui and Tobio for… avoiding Hinata’s calls.

“Not just that,” Hinata replies, his arms tightening around Tobio’s shoulders. He can feel Hinata’s breath on his neck, a warm wet pant. Hinata squeezes even tighter, impossibly so, until he slackens his a grip a bit in an attempt to breathe. “I missed seeing your face in person. And talking to you. And… being around you.”

_ Let me have this _ , Tobio prays to whatever God he believes in at the moment.  _ Let me have this for longer _ , because he knows that when he lets go, it won’t just be him and Hinata. It will be Tobio, Hinata, and Yui. Hinata’s girlfriend. Distance, as it turns out, doesn’t ease the pain of heartbreak.

_ Yui _ , he remembers. “Shouyou,” he grumbles, ruffling Hinata’s hair. They are still in the middle of the station.

“Don’t let go of me,” Hinata whines.

“Hinata, get off of me you dumbass. You’ve got to introduce me to Yui-san.”

Hinata tenses, imperceptibly small. Tobio wouldn’t have noticed it if his body wasn’t pressed up against Hinata’s like it is. After much deliberation, Hinata finally untangles himself and steps away from Tobio’s body.

“Yui!” Hinata calls over, waving a hand over in her general direction. Yui, Yui, Yui. Her name is short, too. Kageyama is long, too many syllables. That’s just another thing to add onto his growing list of ways he differentiates from Yui. Yui bounces over at the call of her name, a spring in her step that matches Hinata’s. “Sorry for running off like that,” Hinata apologizes, but Tobio figures he doesn’t need to. Hinata reaches up to give Yui a kiss on the cheek. Tobio lets his eyes stray. “This is Kageyama!” he introduces.

“Yui-san,” Tobio greets, bowing stiffly.

“Yui is fine,” she says. It’s the first time he has ever heard her speak. “It’s very nice to meet you, Kageyama-san! I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Kageyama is fine,” he mutters back. It’s fine. It’s fine meeting Yui like this.  _ I will get over Hinata eventually _ , he thinks to himself. And, “I’ve heard plenty about you, too.”

In truth, he hasn’t heard much about Yui—the conversations about her usually fall flat within the first few sentences. It isn’t for lack of trying—on Tobio’s part, anyway. He tries to seem interested, vested in Hinata’s life when it comes to Yui. But whenever Hinata begins to speak of blonde hair and brown eyes, his vocabulary regresses into resound “oh that’s nice” and “yeah”.

Yui is the antithesis of Tobio’s very being, it’s almost kind of scary. Short and tall, girl and boy, blonde and dark, kind and stubborn, good for Hinata and arguably so. “Shou-chan really never stops speaking of you,” she says, not unkindly.

He lets his mind wander over that,  _ Shou-chan _ . He wonders what it would be like, to be Yui. To call Hinata Shou-chan so freely, to touch and kiss him whenever he wants. He hopes, at least, that Yui appreciates the opportunity so few get to have.

He lets Yui and Hinata talk about themselves, about how they met (she confessed during astrophysics), where their first kiss was (their first date when Hinata walked her to her apartment door), how similar they are (energetic, go-lucky, happy).

He wonders if he can tick these boxes off in his head, like Yui is able to. How they met—it’s their third year of middle school and Hinata  _ jumps  _ and Tobio knew then that Hinata was going to he something important in his life. Beyond a normal friendship, beyond a normal relationship. Meeting Hinata for the first time was electric, like the missing piece in his heart was Hinata-shaped.

If they have their first kiss, where will it be? Tobio imagines it will be nighttime, so Hinata won’t see his red face. It will be in Miyagi, not Tokyo, because then they will see the stars a little bit better. It will be by Hinata’s house, or perhaps coach Ukai’s shop. Somewhere he has shared a lot of memories with Hinata, a place where they both have grown. And, it will be a good first kiss—not the best, but good. It will be messy, with teeth clacking and saliva drooling but, it will be perfect because it will be with Hinata.

-

Hinata breaks up with Yui soon after Tobio leaves to go back to Tokyo. He doesn’t seem too sad, or even heartbroken over it. They dated for awhile—somewhere around four months. “You liked her, didn’t you?” Hinata asks, staring at his phone to capture Tobio’s expression through facetime. They rarely ever have the time to talk face-to-face like this. Becoming the starting setter while Tobio enters his third year of university is exhausting. So when he isn’t practicing or studying, he’s probably asleep.

“Hmmm,” Tobio responds, his eyes shut for a moment before he opens them again. He rubs his wrist indiscriminately. “Not particularly. I thought she was nice, I guess.”

“Nice,” Hinata echoes. They sit in silence for a moment while Tobio massages the tired muscle of his wrist. “You seem more tired than usual,” Hinata ventures off, straying from the previous subject. Hinata’s face is filled with anxiety, so Tobio decides not to press further. Not that he wants to, anyway.

“Balancing study and practice is tough,” is his response. He represses the yawn that almosts escapes his mouth, not trying to make it seem like Hinata is boring him. He isn’t, anyway.

Hinata breathes through his nose and closes his eyes for a fraction of a second. “I wish…” he begins, but tumbles off into saying nothing.

“You wish what?”

Hinata sighs, loud enough to make Tobio’s audio crackle. “Nothing,” he says. He does that a lot, Tobio realizes. Hinata will start something but never finish. Or, he will start something, but lie terribly. It’s annoying.

“Shouyou, what do you want to say?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Hinata waves him off, and Tobio almost presses forward, but gives up when he suppresses another yawn. “I just. Miss you.”

“It’s been two weeks since I last saw you.”

“I know,” he says, sounding small. Tobio has never seen Hinata look so defeated. Hinata bites his lip and rolls it between his teeth. Hinata has always been good with words, he always knows what to say. But lately, he seems at a loss for them. Especially where Tobio is concerned. “I miss you all the time.”

Tobio thought that, when he moved away to Tokyo, he would be doing the bulk of the missing. He misses Hinata a lot too, he just isn’t as vocal about it. Hinata has plenty of people back at home to keep him entertained. He has Yachi, Asahi, Tanaka, Aone, Yamaguchi. In Tokyo, Tobio has himself. He can always reach out to Suga or Kenma or someone—but, he hasn’t ever been particularly close with anyone other than Hinata. Moving out to Tokyo by himself was hard, but missing Hinata is definitely the hardest.

He doesn’t know how to respond to Hinata—saying he misses him all the time doesn’t seem to cover the depth. It isn’t that he doesn’t miss him all of the time, he does, but the intensity of it even scares Tobio. He has barely enough free time in his life as it is, but when he does have some, it is always filled with Hinata. Sleep, eat, study, practice, Hinata.

So instead, he tells Hinata what he feels right then. “I wish you were here with me, right now.” He doesn’t miss the way Hinata sucks a breath sharply through his nose, or how he withdraws it shakily. He doesn’t miss the way Hinata’s eyes shine in the dark light of his cruddy dorm room. “I miss you too, stupid.”

“I missed you the moment you left to go to your fancy scholarship Tokyo school.”

Tobio laughs—or chuckles, at least. He lets a puff of air escape his lips in jest. “What, is this a competition?”

“If it is, I’m winning!” Hinata relents, his voice watery but his smile beaming. This is what he misses, Tobio remembers. To just  _ be  _ with Hinata. To not think too hard about the future and live in the present with him.

“It can’t be a competition,” Tobio scolds, like Hinata is dumb. He  _ is  _ dumb, because if it’s a competition, Tobio is winning. “Let’s just say we miss each other equally, okay?”

“No,” Hinata whines. “I miss you more.”

-

Hinata attracts plenty of people, so it’s no surprise when he starts to date someone again. “His name is Kosuke,” he says over the phone while Tobio files his nails. He has become used to Hinata mentioning people he’s dating, but this is the first time he is dating a  _ boy _ . “Sato Kosuke. He’s, um,” Hinata laughs sheepishly, like he’s telling Tobio a secret, “he’s really tall… and, um, has… um, dark hair. And he plays basketball.”

“I didn’t know you liked boys.”

“What’s so surprising about that, stupid?! I like everyone!”

“Huh,” is Tobio’s response. He stops filing his nails for a moment to think. Kosuke is… tall, and has dark hair. That sounds. Familiar.

“What, are you, like,  _ against _ —”

“No,” Tobio interjects quickly. He lifts himself off his couch and paces around the room, running his hands through his hair. “I like guys too. Um, exclusively.”

“So you’re gay?”

“Well  _ yeah _ , stupid. That’s literally what I just said—”

“I didn’t know that!” Hinata screeches. For all of the social eptitude Hinata possesses, he’s still pretty dumb when it comes to stuff like this. “When were you going to tell me?”

Tobio breathes through his mouth. “The conversation never came up,  _ boke _ ! If you had asked if I were dating any girls, I would have said I was gay. But you didn’t ask, so I didn’t say.”

“What?! I feel like this is something I should have known.”

“Why, do you  _ care _ —?”

“No!” Hinata interrupts with a squawk. “I like boys too!”

Tobio huffs. “So it doesn’t matter, then. And it isn’t like I was trying to hide it—I never said yes to any girl’s confession, I never went on dates in high school. What did you figure?”

“That you were completely socially inept—” Tobio yells a rightful  _ hey _ “—but, I mean, I never considered. That. For you to be gay.”

“You make it sound like it’s a chore.”

Hinata squawks again, for good measure. “Well, that just means I can talk to you about boys now! So, hey, when we’re hanging out we could—”

“I don’t want to do that.”

“What?!” Hinata screeches. He seems genuinely offended, it makes Tobio laugh.

-

Kosuke and Hinata date for a few weeks before Hinata moves onto another boy. He doesn’t want to talk about it this time.

-

“What about you?” Hinata asks between his fifth and sixth relationship. He seems to be flying through individuals, it’s nothing like the stable relationship he had with Yui. “Have you met anyone new?”

The answer is always the same. “No,” Tobio says. “No one new.”

“ _ Why _ !!!!!” Hinata squeaks. He’s probably drunk, Tobio realizes. “You are a  _ total catch _ , what with your strong arms and—”

Tobio stops him before Hinata gets too embarrassed when he remembers what he said in the morning. “I don’t have time.”

“Huh? You always have time for me, though.”

This is true. “Yeah,” Tobio relents. “But you’re you.”

That answer is enough to satisfy Hinata into admission.

-

  1. **during**



When Tobio was first smacked in the face with a volleyball, he fell in love. It was hard, and rushed, but he knew from that moment on, volleyball would be his life. And it was, it consumed him in every sense.

To him, he had never considered an  _ after _ . After  _ volleyball _ .

It’s during his third year of university when his wrist begins to throb with an unimaginable pain. He is used to this, a sort of  _ ache  _ in his wrist that never goes away. He figures that it’s just a sore muscle and it will go away eventually.

In fear, there is no going to the doctor. He can’t afford it in the first place, since he’s a college student—and the very  _ idea  _ of something being wrong with his wrist, wrong enough where he won’t be able to play volleyball again, is enough to make sure he never gets the pain checked out.

It’s stupid, he knows. Eventually, one day, he will have to stop playing volleyball. If he had he  _ gone  _ to the doctor and had it checked out, he probably would have been in remission for a few weeks, but he still would have been able to play. But he’s dumb and doesn’t think about his future enough to care; then, playing volleyball is more important. He thought that the throb would go away, he  _ hoped _ .

Hinata stopped playing volleyball during their second year of university after a pretty nasty blow to his head. It wasn’t bad enough that he couldn’t play ever again, but Hinata told him when Tobio came to visit: “I think that I’m using it as an excuse to not play anymore.”

Volleyball and Hinata… they were one in the same. The news was shocking, to say the least. Hinata insisted that he was too busy but Tobio knew that was a lie. If that was what Hinata wanted to do, if he wanted to live a life outside of volleyball, it wasn’t for Tobio to protest.

This is different, he thinks, maybe. It isn’t that he can’t play volleyball again, maybe he can pass. But he can’t set—he can’t set the  _ same _ . He can’t hit, he can’t serve. He can’t do any of that with a permanent brace around his wrist because he overworked himself like an  _ idiot _ .

He doesn’t want to know what Hinata will say. Hinata will be mad at him for being dumb, for overworking himself until he can’t play. Hinata knows that volleyball is  _ his  _ life,  _ was  _ his goal. He hasn’t planned far enough ahead to know what he will  _ after. _

-

**shouyou [22:51]:** are you asleep??

Tobio lifts his head to look at the text. He’s busy writing a paper for one of his stupid classes where he has to get his grades up if he even wants a chance at a future. His left wrist throbs.

**shouyou [22:53]:** why have you been ignoring me???????? we havent talked for weeks :(

The last time Tobio talked to Hinata, his wrist wasn’t throbbing. Or in a brace.

**shouyou [22:54]** : was it something i said? did i do something to upset you???

He doesn’t want to talk to Hinata. Hinata is the embodiment of everything Tobio has messed up. Hinata  _ chose  _ to stop playing volleyball. Hinata has a life outside of Tobio, he has a future planned. He has friends and parties and girlfriends and boyfriends and everything that Tobio doesn’t have—

**shouyou [22:56]:** what’s wrong kageyama

**Shouyou [22:56]:** tobio??

Before Tobio can even stop himself, he reaches for his phone to call Hinata. The answer is immediate, almost relieving.

“Hey, he lives!” Hinata jests in an attempt to lighten the mood, but it’s obvious he sounds distressed. Tobio feels his body unwind at the sound of Hinata’s voice. The throbbing dulls down, too. To a manageable level.

Tobio is silent, he tries to calm his breathing. He knows that Hinata is waiting for him to speak, waiting for him to say the reason why he hasn’t talked to him in weeks or even given the effort to respond to a single text.

“Hey,” he says finally, his voice raspy and watery. Shit, he doesn’t want to cry. He hasn’t cried yet, not over volleyball. He said he wouldn’t—he said he would get through this. It’s just volleyball. He won’t cry.

“Are you crying?” Hinata gasps. It’s few and far in between when Tobio cries, especially around Hinata. “Tobio, what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry,” Tobio says with a gulp. He sounds pathetic, he knows he does. “I’m sorry,” he says again, unsure for what. Sorry for not… playing volleyball. For ignoring him.

“I don’t know what’s happening,” Hinata says softly, something ruffling in the background. “Tobio, you have to use your words. You know I can’t read your mind.”

“I quit volleyball.” That isn’t exactly right, anyway. It feels easier than saying volleyball quit him, anyhow. “Or, I don’t know,” he breathes, a long and hard sound, “I don’t  _ want _ to quit. But I can’t play anymore. Or, I can’t be a setter. My wrist is inflamed and… my doctor said if I try to play with it any longer, I could do some serious long-term damage to my nerves. Or something. I don’t know.”

Well, he does know. It’s just some stupid medical jargon he can’t pronounce. He tuned out the doctor after the words  _ volleyball  _ and  _ can’t play  _ came out of her mouth.

“Is that why you were rubbing your wrist? When I last saw you?”

That can’t have been too long ago—it must have been two, three months the last time Hinata came down to visit Tobio in Tokyo.

Tobio coughs, attempting dislodge the rock from his throat. “Um, yeah.”

Hinata makes a frustrated noise but decides not to elaborate on the matter. “Bakageyama, why didn’t you tell my earlier? I would have come up to visit you, or something.”

“I thought you would be mad.”

“Be—be  _ mad _ ? Why the hell would I be mad?! Your brain is the size of a turd, I swear to god. I don’t want to—I wouldn’t be mad about  _ this _ , I mean. I don’t… I don’t want you to be hurting about something and not tell me, Tobio. Why would you ever think I would be mad?”

Tobio forgot how nice it was to talk to Hinata. “You would be mad that I overworked—”

“I  _ am  _ mad about that, actually!” Hinata interrupts, sounding fierce. “I  _ am _ angry that you neglected your own health and then end up costing your future but I’m not… I’m not going to yell at you! I remember when I first quit volleyball, you were mad, too, but it was my decision. You didn’t try to push me to keep at it.”

He hears Hinata groan in frustration on the other end of the line. “I don’t need to tell you that I’m upset over that, because I’m sure you’re already beating yourself up over it. It’s just… a shitty situation, I guess. It’s not fair for  _ you _ ,” he makes another noise that Tobio can’t decipher, “it’s not fair for you when  _ you  _ were going to go pro, and when you were going to be the best setter in the world. It’s not fair! Ugh!” He hears Hinata yell and something crashing, presumably an item Hinata flung in frustration. “Erghhh,” he groans, “I’m sorry.”

“What. Why are you apologizing?”

“I don’t know!” Hinata yells. “I don’t know! I’m glad you called me—I mean, I am upset that you were ignoring me but, uh, whatever, I mean… Anyway, erghh.” Hinata stops his rambling for a moment to catch his breath. “Are you okay out in Tokyo? All by yourself?”

“Um,” Tobio says, his voice scratchy. The change of subject in their conversation is unsettling. “Objectively, I’m—”

“I don’t care about objectively,” Hinata clarifies hastily. “I care about  _ you _ . I care about how you’re feeling and how you’re going to deal with this. I mean, have you called your mom? Do you want me to come down to visit you? I will! If you want me to.”

Tobio doesn’t respond, so Hinata continues. “Or do you want to come down to Miyagi?” he ventures off. “Like, to see me—or, I mean… to see your mom, and everyone.”

“Miyagi…” Tobio mutters. “I have to finish out my year here at school. And then… maybe. Maybe I could transfer or something.”

“Transfer!” Hinata says, sounding quite pleased with the idea. “You could transfer! I like that,” his voice is something between pleasure and displeasure.

Tobio feels himself smile despite the shitty mood he is in. Hinata has that effect, it seems. “You’re only happy because you’ll get to see me whenever you want.”

Hinata guffaws for a moment, but then—”Well, of course I’m happy about that! What, are you stupid?”

-

“Tobio is comin’ ho-ho-home, and I missed him so-o-o mu-u-uch. When I see him, I’m gonna give him a hu-hu-hug… Tobio is coming home, home, home—” Hinata sings a happy little tune under his breath in the receiver of his phone while he ties his shoes to go on a run.

They are used to this, now: talking on the phone in the morning, afternoon, and night. When Tobio has free time between saving his dead grades and packing away his dorm, he talks to Hinata. It’s a helpful distractor, at least.

“Not for another week,” Tobio responds, flicking on his TV and switching from the sports channel to the Discovery channel. It turns out, he likes animals. And if he works on his scary face, animals like him. It’s nice.

“Are you all moved out of your dorm? Are you excited to see me? Agh! I haven’t seen you in so long!”

That’s… true. At least in the physical sense. They talk, text, and skype a lot. So that’s good. But Tobio wants to  _ hold  _ Hinata, he wants to remember the shape of him in his arms. And in a week, that idea will become reality—after not seeing him for so long.

“Almost. Everything is in boxes now. I keep forgetting not to pack my toothbrush so I have to fish it out every night. I’ve bought at least three new ones in the past week and we know I can’t afford it.”

Hinata laughs. Hinata, Hinata, Hinata. “Agh!” Hinata yells, “I’m so excited! How are your grades, To-bi-o?” he asks, stretching out the vowels in Tobio’s name like honey.

“They could be… better.”

“Well,” Hinata says, sounding delighted, “are you excited to start your new major?” Failing volleyball just meant moving on to the next thing, it turns out. He hadn’t had a clear-cut major during volleyball, it was pro or nothing then. After the Tragedy (or the injury, he supposes), he facetimed Hinata for a long while, while he figured out what to do for the rest of his life.

Coaching is still and option, of course. But. Coaching isn’t playing, and being around people who are  _ able  _ to play without the consequence of a life-long injury feels too… troublesome.

He likes animals. Animals like him, when he doesn’t exude anger and resentment. Animals are therapeutic, too. Animals are easy to deal with—compared to humans, at the very least—and Hinata is basically a wild animal. (Hinata is not too happy when Tobio says that.)

Animals and veterinary school are something Tobio never considered before the Tragedy. But, yeah. He likes animals (and by extension, Hinata).

“Yeah,” Tobio responds to Hinata’s question. He watches the television and sees a tiger humping another tiger. He turns it off. That’s enough TV for today. “D’you think it’s weird that I’m going to be a vet? Or, I’m studying to be one?”

Hinata sits on Tobio’s question until the silence is almost deafening. “Hmm, maybe when we were in high school. But! We’re not in high school anymore, and I think that whenever you put your mind to something you love, you become amazing! Your focus is kind of scary. I’m a little jealous.”

Hinata is like this, sometimes. He says stuff without thinking about how Tobio feels. Which is fine, when he isn’t talking directly to Tobio. Hinata’s right, they aren’t in high school anymore—so why the hell is he blushing like a little kid? He needs to get his emotions under control.

“Anyway!” Hinata says, as if Tobio’s awkward silence never existed. “I’ve made so many new friends lately—I mean, not that I’d ever  _ replace  _ you, or anything! But—”

“Get to the point, dumbass.”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry.” Tobio feels the cheesy smile on the other side of the phone. “There are so many people I want you to meet! There’s Makoto—”

And then Hinata continues like that, naming off a large enough list of people that Kageyama’s ears start to swim with all of the names. Hinata’s like that. He meets people, and then he befriends them. It’s just… him. And Tobio likes Hinata for that.

-

  1. **after**



Stepping off the train in Miyagi and seeing Hinata holding up a gigantic poster that reads  **WHEN WILL KAGEYAMA TOBIO RETURN FROM WAR?** is almost an out-of-body experience for Tobio. He expected to see only his mother there, maybe holding a box of sweets to greet him home. He’s stupid, he realizes, for thinking Hinata wouldn’t greet him in the dumbest way possible.

Even if he thought that Hinata would come to the train station to greet him, he had no idea that he invited  _ everyone he knows  _ and they cause a general ruckus. There, to the left of Hinata, is Yachi. Tanaka, Daichi, Suga? (doesn’t he live in Tokyo?), Abe (the setter under his wing during high school), Asahi, Noya, and  _ everyone _ . The first years during his third year (who, he realizes, must be in university by now), coach Ukai. Wow.

Hinata doesn’t see Tobio at first. Yachi is the first one who notices him, so she taps Hinata’s shoulder. He perks up immediately and turns his head, eyes searching through the crowd for Tobio’s. When Hinata’s eyes make contact with his, his smile beams impossibly wide and he unceremoniously drops the dramatic poster on the ground, accidentally trampling it on his quest to reach Tobio.

Reuniting with Hinata after such a long period of time is oddly reminiscent of the last time Hinata decided jumping on Tobio was a good idea. Instead, this time, he isn’t as prepared as much as Hinata hopes.

Hinata bounds into Tobio, the force yanking Tobio’s hands off his suitcase and making him fumble backward and onto the floor. Nevertheless, his arms tighten around Hinata.

“Oof,” Tobio grunts, a pained sound making its way through his body.

Hinata’s grip doesn’t lessen. He holds on with strength rivaling Tobio’s, his body shaking with the effort it takes to control his breathing. Hinata is trembling all over, and then his grip tightens again. Tobio rubs circles with his good hand over Hinata’s back to calm him down. Tobio peeks over Hinata’s shoulder and notices Noya taking pictures and everyone else smiling or laughing. His cheeks redden, but he doesn’t care. This is nice. Being with Hinata is nice.

“How ya doin’, Shouyou?” He feels Hinata laugh next to his ear, a puff of air tickling the nape of his neck.

“Did I embarrass you?” Hinata asks, a whisper that fits at the junction where Tobio’s neck and shoulders meet.

“Yeah.”

“Sucks to be you,” Hinata jokes, shifting slightly so his wild hair tickles Tobio’s neck. They stay in that position for a few moments, remembering what it’s like to be near each other again. Remembering that they don’t need to skype to see each other’s faces. They can just  _ be _ .

In the distance, Tobio hears a distinctive Noya voice: “Hinata, get off his damn lap!” and then Tanaka: “Get a room!” and then Yachi: “We want to hug him, too!”

Hinata grumbles but relents and steps off Tobio before helping him up. Tobio’s cheeks are pinkening by the second with the looks everyone is giving them around the train station. Dumb Hinata and his wildly affectionate gestures.

Tobio makes his way to the rest of the crowd. His mom  _ does  _ give him sweets, just like he predicted. Tanaka pulls him into an aggressive hug, Suga does some weird karate chop and says, “Where have you been in Tokyo?!” and then crows to Daichi about something.

It’s nice, beyond nice. Nice knowing that all of his friends still care about him. He turns and sees Hinata off to the side talking animatedly to Yachi about something. Hinata falters for a moment and then locks eyes with Tobio. They both smile.

-

They lie down in Hinata’s dorm room bed, their legs tangled as they count the indents in the wall that Hinata has caused because of how clumsy he is. Hinata is rubbing Tobio’s left wrist. It aches still, but not as much as it used to, especially with the tender circles Hinata is massaging.

“That’s twenty,” Tobio says, his eyes raking around the room.

“No!” Hinata yells, shoving Tobio on the side softly. “That’s like  _ double  _ the amount of times I’ve accidentally whammed a volleyball into the wall.”

“It isn’t my fault you’re dumb.”

Hinata shoves him harder for that comment, until they are wrestling and both fall to the ground in a  _ thump _ . Hinata’s forehead smacks into Tobio’s with a large  _ thwack _ .

“Oof,” Hinata mutters, rubbing the red spot at the center of his forehead. They let their heads ache for a moment until Hinata speaks again. “Do you want to… do something tonight?”

Tobio worries a little bit, because Hinata is normally not so indirect with the way he says things. It’s always  _ go go go  _ with him and there’s never enough time to think. Tobio thinks about it for a moment. He  _ should  _ be finishing out his university transfer paperwork, but he can do that tomorrow. Also, Hinata is giving him a desperate puppy dog look that is making it hard to concentrate.

Tobio shoves Hinata’s face away and then grumbles a resolute, “Fine, I guess.” It sounds pained, but Hinata knows it’s a good fine, not an upset one. He’s known Tobio far too long to not understand all of his little quirks.

-

After a movie, a weird board game, dinner, and a quick hello to Tobio’s mother (Hinata insists), they go on a walk. The night is cold enough to merit wearing a jacket. A few people are out, but not many. Tobio feels Hinata’s hands brush against his thigh as they walk.

Hinata talks about something, but Tobio can’t seem to pay attention. It’s odd, he thinks, being near Hinata again. After not seeing him for so long in the flesh and… he’ll be able to see him again and again, for as long as he wants. It’s almost surreal, knowing that he can wake up and call Hinata and ask him to hangout and then he  _ can _ . Just like that.

“Kageyama!” Hinata yells close enough to his ear that it hurts. Tobio flinches and then glares at Hinata. “Were you even listening to a word I said?”

“Was it about…” his mind blanks, trying to remember something Hinata said. “Umm, volleyball?”

“I swear to god, Tobio, you and volleyball. It’s all you think about…” Hinata grumbles under his breath, moving to kick Tobio in the shins. Tobio moves just in time and Hinata slips.

“Oh, look!” Hinata says after picking himself up from the ground. Tobio looks, and sees they are standing in front of Karasuno.

It’s spring break, so no one is there. He knows that the volleyball team is probably away at spring week playing Nekoma.

Hinata stops in front of the volleyball doors and smiles at Tobio. Tobio smiles back. This is where he began, at these doors. Where he grew with Hinata.

Hinata’s eyes falter and stop at Tobio’s wrist, where the brace is hugging tight around his skin. Tobio knows that Hinata is skirting around the subject of his volleyball career and his wrist, and that he’s scared to upset Tobio. But…

He shouldn’t be.

“It’s better now,” Tobio says, trying to reassure Hinata. Hinata has some sort of weird… complex about the injury. In Hinata’s mind, he’s partially responsible for it. He thinks that if he had been there, or called Tobio more or something stupid, he would have been able to see that Tobio was overworking himself and stop it.

“Why are you trying to reassure me,  _ baka _ !” Hinata yelps, reaching to hit Tobio on his forehead but misses when Tobio ducks out of the way.

“I don’t know!” Tobio yells, defensive. “You seem upset or something.”

Hinata elects not to respond to Tobio. Instead, he says, “Remember when we graduated from high school?”

Tobio bites back the snarky response to Hinata’s stupid question. “Yeah,  _ boke _ .”

“What were you going to say, then?”

“Huh?”

Hinata sounds frustrated, like he can’t put his thoughts into words. He runs his hands through his messy hair and looks at the freckle on Tobio’s collarbone instead of his eyes. “You—you were saying something. Right before we graduated.”

Tobio racks his brain trying to remember. “I said that I wanted to still be friends.” He stops for a moment, and then continues. “Um… we’re still friends, right?”

Hinata seems dissatisfied with the way Tobio responds.

“Shouyou, if you have something to say to me, say it.”

Hinata grabs Tobio’s left hand and inspects his fingertips, as if he didn’t just confuse the shit out of Tobio. Hinata is hellbent on not looking directly in Tobio’s eyes. “I…” he begins, then trails off, biting his bottom lip. “I want to tell you something.”

“Then tell me, Shou.”

_ Shou _ . Tobio doesn’t really know where that came from, but. It feels right to say it.

Hinata takes his other hand and then clasps his fingers around Tobio’s. Knowing Hinata all this time, Tobio has never seen Hinata look shy. Yet, standing under the moonlight and the cruddy streetlights, he seems timid. Almost scared.

“I missed you a lot. While you were in Tokyo.” Tobio knows that. Hinata always makes a point of telling him. “Ummm… I was thinking about you like, all the time,” Hinata laughs in embarrassment. “I was really strung over you and I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I missed you and how much I wanted you there so I started dating Yui.”

_ Yui _ . His first girlfriend. “She was… the antithesis of you. And I think I did that on purpose to show that I could like someone other than you. And I could, if only for a little while. But then you came to visit Miyagi and I saw you again and everything just came flooding back again and I realized how I was just using Yui to get over you so… I broke up with her.”

Hinata’s eyes moves up from their interlocked hands to the junction where Tobio’s neck and collar meet. “And then I started dating boys who looked like you but then that was just… too hard to deal with, I guess.” His eyes move up to the apple of Tobio’s cheek.

“What are you trying to say, Shou?”

“I know it’s selfish of me to say this,” Hinata’s eyes move to make contact, “and I’m probably going to end up ruining our friendship, but I’ve been in love with you since…” He stops for a moment, thinking about his words. “I don’t know. Since forever?”

Hinata’s eyes shut tightly, and Tobio realizes that he’s trembling. From the cold or from fear of rejection, Tobio doesn’t know.

Tobio slowly removes his hands from Hinata’s, and Hinata begins to shake even more. He puts his right hand on Hinata’s cheek and swipes at his lips with his thumb, removing Hinata’s bottom lip from his clenched teeth. Tobio leans down, close enough where he can feel Hinata’s rattled breath on his chin. “Shouyou,” he whispers, his left hand coming up to cup Hinata’s other cheek, “can I kiss you?”

Hinata makes an odd squeaking sound in the back of his throat, which Tobio assumes is a yes. He closes the small gap and places a small kiss on Hinata’s lips. Hinata doesn’t move, his face impossibly red. Tobio steps away.

Hinata’s face is so red he looks like he’s going to explode. “Hinata, breathe!” Tobio yelps, thwacking him on the head.

He opens his eyes, finally. And then, a large smile envelops his face. “Gwahhhhh!!!!!” he yells loud enough that a murder of crows squawk in the distance.

“Were you acting like this when you kissed Yui for the first time?” Tobio asks.

“What! So rude, Bakageyama! I was totally suave and seductive!”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“Why is that so hard to believe, huh? Did I not blow your socks off with my confident and sexy confession?”

“What the hell was so sexy about it? You looked like a tomato and your head was about to blow off your body.”

“Hey!” Hinata guffaws. “How about you try confessing to someone, for size! IT’S HARD.”

“Okay,” Tobio says, even though his heart is pounding against his ribcage. “Shouyou,” he says, sounding moderately confident in his decision, “I have been in love with you since our second year of high school.” He stops for a moment, his cheeks red. “There.”

“Agh!!” Hinata yells, his hands shoot up to cover his reddening face. “You can’t just go around and start saying things like that!”

“What!” Tobio yells, his face matching Hinata’s as his words catch up with his brain. This situation is ridiculous, they are acting like they’re little kids. “You said it first!”

“Well, I’ve liked you longer, so I get a free pass!”

“That’s hardly fair! I like you  _ more  _ so I get a free pass!”

“Yeah, where’s your proof?”

Tobio grumbles under his breath. Hinata is absolutely ridiculous, it’s almost endearing. Almost. “I’ll prove it to you—” he steps forward and grabs Hinata’s face and kisses him again. “Two to zero, I’ve kissed you twice. I win.”

Hinata grabs Tobio’s face, this time, and drags him down to meet his lips. This time is different. It’s longer, softer, what their first kiss  _ should  _ have been like.

Hinata is trembling again, but not out of fear. He’s shaking with anticipation as his lips meet Tobio’s again and again. Each kiss melts into the next, and it becomes difficult to tell where they start and end. Hinata’s body is pressed tightly against Tobio’s, one long line where they meet.

Hinata pulls away slightly and Tobio’s lips follow his. “That’s like,” Hinata whispers against Tobio’s lips, “twenty to two. I win.”

“You’re terrible at counting.”

“Says you! You thought there were twenty indents in my wall when there was five at the  _ most _ .”

“You need glasses.”

Hinata leans in and kisses Tobio again. “Twenty one to two.”

Tobio drops his head and kisses Hinata’s lips. “Three to twenty one.” And then the corner of his lip, the apple of his cheek, the corner of his eye, his eyelid, his nose, anywhere he can reach, he kisses. “What’s that? One thousand to twenty one? I think I win.”

“Cheater.”

Tobio kisses Hinata on his lips again, leaning in further to deepen the kiss. Then he pulls away. Hinata makes a distressed sound in the back of his throat. “I wish you had told me earlier.”

“What?”

“That you like me.”

“Oh,” Hinata whispers, dropping down from the tips of his feet. “Tobio, I love you.”

Tobio’s cheeks turn pink and he drops his head to Hinata’s shoulder. “I’m never going to get used to that.”

“I hope not,” Hinata responds, leaning up to kiss Tobio’s cheek. “Let’s call it a tie.”


End file.
